WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR:
“Someone who appreciates dedication and doesn’t mind if I show up unannounced. You should be comfortable with me knowing your schedule and whereabouts at all times – it shows I care! Bonus points if you have poor home security and don’t check your surroundings often.”
FIRST DATE IDEAS:
- Surprise visits to your workplace
- Following you home to make sure you get there safely
- Coffee at the shop I’ve seen you visit every Tuesday at 8:47 AM
- A romantic evening looking through your windows… I mean, stargazing
- Testing your home security (purely for your safety)
ABOUT ME:
“I’m a mysterious guy who believes in old-fashioned romance. I’m the type who remembers everything about you – your daily routine, your favorite coffee shop, which window is your bedroom. I’m very persistent and don’t give up easily, even when people tell me to. My last three girlfriends all got restraining orders as souvenirs of our time together, which shows how memorable I am!”
INTERESTS:
- 📸 Photography (mostly telephoto lenses for distant subjects)
- 🚗 Long drives (usually following someone)
- 🔍 Research (social media deep dives and public records)
- 🏠 Home improvement (installing security cameras)
- 📱 Technology (GPS tracking, hidden microphones)
- 💨 Magic (smoke bombs for dramatic disappearances)
GREEN FLAGS:
✅ Never runs out of conversation topics (because I research you extensively)
✅ Very observant (I notice when you change your daily routine)
✅ Dedicated (restraining orders don’t deter me)
✅ Great memory (I keep detailed files on everyone I date)
✅ Good with technology (for monitoring purposes)
✅ Mysterious (you never know when I’ll appear)
DEAL BREAKERS:
❌ People who “play hard to get” by blocking me
❌ Women who move apartments without telling me first
❌ Anyone who thinks restraining orders are legally binding
❌ People who don’t appreciate surprise visits at 3 AM
❌ Anyone who calls my romantic gestures “harassment”