Welcome To Horror-Bull Advice.
Where Serial Killers Give Better Dating Advice Than Dating Gurus
Meet Machete & Myers, the internet’s most unlikely dating counselors. What started as a simple question—”What if horror movie villains reviewed toxic dating advice?”—has become a global phenomenon helping men develop healthy relationships while women share clips to educate the men in their lives.
The Concept That Broke the Internet
Machete (your exasperated best friend) watches in growing horror as Myers casually describes what sounds like a crime spree disguised as courtship. From confused concern to desperate relationship counseling, Machete provides the healthy masculinity reality checks while Myers asks innocent questions like “Is three restraining orders too many for one month?”
Myers (think small-town guy energy) stumbles across red pill dating advice and interprets every “strategy” as literal psychological warfare. “Be mysterious”? Obviously that means identity fraud. “Don’t be too available”? Clearly requires surveillance equipment. “Test her loyalty”? Time to develop elaborate manipulation schemes.
The Myers Survival Guide
WARNING: The Man You’re Dating Might Be Following a Secret Playbook
Discover the hidden phenomenon that’s turning normal guys into systematic manipulators – and how to protect yourself
✧ The “Door-Slamming Incident” – Why one man’s attempt to “create mystery” ended with police involvement (and what this reveals about toxic dating advice taken literally)
✧ The 4-Level Myers Classification System – From annoying but harmless to “requires professional intervention” (you’ll be shocked at how many Level 3 Myers are walking among us)
✧ The “Red Pill Assembly Line” – The 5-stage process that systematically converts heartbroken guys into emotional predators who think they’re just following expert advice
✧ The “Over-Optimization Problem” – Why dating profiles that seem “too perfect” are actually red flags in disguise (plus the 3 specific signs that reveal systematic profile engineering)
✧ The “Medicine Cabinet Strategy” – What one Myers thought “demonstrating confidence” meant when invited to dinner (spoiler: it involves going through personal belongings)
✧ The “Frame Maintenance Technique” – Why one man stood perfectly still and stared without blinking for 4 minutes during an argument (and why he thought this was romantic)
✧ The “Qualification Strategy” Detection Method – How to tell the difference between genuine curiosity and systematic evaluation disguised as getting to know you
✧ The “Strategic Pursuit Programming” – Why traditional breakup methods don’t work on Myers (and the specific exit strategies that do)
✧ The “Point of No Return” Phenomenon – The exact moment when Myers stops seeing women as individual humans (and why this makes him exponentially more dangerous)
✧ The “Systematic Manipulation Recovery Protocol” – How to rebuild trust in dating after experiencing Myers’ calculated approach to human connection
✧ The “Myers Self-Assessment” – 27 specific behaviors that reveal if someone has become Myers (essential reading for men who suspect they might be the problem)
✧ The “Machete Method” – What authentic masculinity actually looks like in practice (and why both men and women say “THIS is what I want” after reading Chapter 11)
Plus: The real reason modern dating feels so strange, the psychological vulnerabilities that make men susceptible to toxic advice, and the specific phrases Myers uses that sound normal but reveal systematic thinking.
“I wish I’d had this book five years ago. It would have saved me from the worst relationship of my life.” – Sarah M.
“Finally, someone explains what’s actually happening out there. This should be required reading for anyone dating in 2025.” – James T.
If you’ve ever felt like someone was following a script in their interactions with you… if you’ve wondered why certain guys seem to be “performing” humanity rather than actually being human… if you’ve had that creeping feeling you were being systematically evaluated rather than genuinely appreciated…
You need this book.
Don’t spend another day wondering if your instincts are right. Get the knowledge you need to navigate modern dating safely.
Available in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook
Podcast Episodes You Have To Listen To!
The Appraisal
Boom Box
Colored Cards
How Women Feel
Law of Frames
Law of Indifference
Law of Scarcity
Sunglasses
Tarantulas
⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Horror-Bull Advice is a parody and educational commentary platform. Our fictional characters “Myers” and “Machete” are original creations for entertainment and relationship education purposes. Content is for informational and comedic purposes only – not professional relationship counseling. Users are responsible for their own actions and decisions. By using this content, you agree to our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.